Friday, June 28, 2013

Wax On Wax Off

Well, I did it! Got the wax, wax on wax off! Yes it was a bit ouchy but I got a “you go girl’ from my technician (I felt like should she should have given me a lollipop on my way out). 

T: Hi I’m (name withheld not that she even knows about this blog but whatever) I will be taking care of you today. Is this your first time? 

M: Yep. 

T: Ok, do you know how much you want removed?  

M: Well, you’re the expert I was hoping you would help me with that…recommendation? 

T: Sure, put these on and I will be right back.

(She hands me this little paper bikini bottom…um ok)

Now girls I don’t need to tell you that as we get older we have been poked and prodded in our well female areas so much that when you are laying on a massage table with your lady parts open to the world for someone you just met to come along and just start ripping, oh I’m sorry…delicately tiding up the garden it just doesn’t seem to bother you a bit.   
Did you know that there is a name for the wax when they remove everything, like the day you were born...yep, the Sphinx. I think cause when they are done you are speechless. Would I lie to you?

And so began a rather interesting visit as we discussed various subjects while she applied hot wax from stem to stern and ripping and talking all the while. As more and more wax was applied I thought, “What kind of bikini is this?”  Kind of like a hairdresser who is so chatty that you’re practically bald before she’s done. I think that was pretty much the end result, with a soul patch! Of course I had to text my Sis- 

M:  So, did it! The wax thing… 

S:  Yea how was it? 

M: Not too bad, no crying it was def ouchy especially at the back part, did not know she was going there... yeeeeowza! 

S:  Huh. 

M: So, you know when you get a new haircut, or a manicure or pedi and you want to show everyone and say, “Hey, so yea what do you think…cute?” I kinda want to do that, you know show it off. Probably not appropriate eh? 

S: …(head shaking) (yea you can feel her do that through a text)

Thursday, June 27, 2013

A Rose By Any Other Name

This Tuesday I was at my gym. I take two classes, my ever famous Yoga Torture class followed by a Combat class which is a class of martial arts set to music (very intense but good cardio and fun if you survive). However there are those moments-

M: Just finished my workouts, ugh!

S:  Cool!

M: So, you know I totally hate it when I have to pass gas when I am working out! I mean it takes so many extra muscles to hold it in! Do they consider that core? They are always yelling hold in your core! Well I'm holding in something and it sure would be nice if it was doing some good...

S: Meh, I just let 'em rip, the music is so loud they don't know.

M:...I got nothing.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

This Won't Hurt, Well Maybe

We are going on vacation at the end of this week. A tropical paradise, Puerto Vallarta (Mexico) Si! I am so excited mostly about just taking a vacation. I decided that maybe it’s time for me to do the ‘Bikini wax’ thing. I have never done this and well there is the ick, eww and ouch factors. We will be staying with a number of other couples and I think I would like to have that ‘fresh shaved’ feeling and be relaxed instead of making sure everyone was tucked and out of sight. (Oh yes you know what I am talking about).

I called the Spa I frequent for facials and massages since they are a ‘All service Spa’ to inquire and possibly to set an appointment-

Girl- Blah Blah Spa how can I help you?
M- Well, I um…I was wondering about those waxes the bikini ones.

Girl- Yes, what can I help you with?

M- Um, ok what do you, you know consider bikini? Cause I don’t wear one, I mean I wear a suit of course, like duh, but it’s a onesie I mean a one piece not like a (laughing from other side of phone, sigh).

Girl- I understand, well it covers all the areas that are not covered by a bikini. Like… (at this point she is delicately trying to tell me, ‘they rip out all your lady hair that could possibly make an appearance at the show’)

M- …Huh

Girl- It doesn’t hurt really bad unless you don’t deal well with pain.

M- …Ah huh

Girl- Can I set you with an appointment?

M- (My God what are you people running over there? What other atrocities are you performing? Bamboo under the nails? Skinning people alive?) Sure, this Thursday afternoon I guess.

Girl- Great! Now you should be fine afterwards but don’t plan on exercising that is not recommended.

Exercising, get real I won’t be moving for at least 10 hours, get the Margaritas ready honey and keep ‘em coming…

Fashion- It's a Gift and a Curse

Well we are into week…does it matter? The men are still out there working away. They are behind schedule and from a remodeling issue that is very frustrating (they can’t see my toe tapping). I been through a lot of remodeling, years of it and believe me I am already frustrated. It seems they have run into issues like having to dig trenches 5’ deeper than they thought, and crawling through tunnels with no air source and of course the Texas summer heat at 90 around noon. Planning, planning, and planning!

I will need to get my vest and hard hat out this week and investigate what the holdup is. I have a life (meh) and I don’t have all day to stand around and watch these guys stand around watching! And though I look so cute in my hat I am finding it incredibly difficult to accessorize with it so they will need to move things along or I may need to improvise!
"OMG, where did you get those shoes!" "Don't you just love 'em? 30% off for reals!"

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Sequines and Rhinestones?

Recently work has begun on my building at work. The work was scheduled to have this started on May 15th and it is now June 7th and they just broke ground. This is not to say work hadn’t started however. They finally put up the construction fence; we had the ceremonial dropping off of the port ‘o potties with sanitizing pumps. One day brought several men who stood and looked and pointed and once they felt satisfied with what they accomplished that was the end of that day. There were several of those days now that I think of it and one day where someone was testing out the port ‘o potty, I guess one needs to make sure all the equipment works (including the potties!). 

We were told that after two years of back and forth on the plans for this building, and I don’t even want to count the reiterations of designs, they still hadn’t crossed any ‘t’s’ so things got a bit behind, oh I hadn’t really noticed. 

Today I watched as the backhoe dugout a trench as several men stood and watched. Where are these jobs? I never see a job posted: ‘Wanted person who can stand around and watch and point.’ I know I can do that unless I am not allowed to express a comment like, “Did you mean to wear that shirt with those jeans? It really throws off the whole neon vest thing right, I mean like I don’t get what statement you’re making here.” And the hard hat, I know I could rock that  (add some rhinestones!) with the towel draped down the back of the neck. 

Now I am not trying to make fun of construction workers per se really, just an observation of the male species and how they tend to work. As I look out the window now there are two contraptions working to move cement blocks from one spot to a truck ostensibly to remove them from the soon to be major work area. This undertaking is using three gentlemen. One to operate each vehicle and one to direct, but it seems it also takes 5 additional to stand a few feet away and watch and discuss. I will give them the benefit of the doubt and say they are discussing what is going on and not lunch or sports scores.  

This phenomenon is not just construction. We had the roof replaced on our house last week. It was crawling with workers! There was debris everywhere along with men standing and pointing and talking. I thought didn’t I just see this picture?   

Have you ever seen a group of women standing around watching another woman vacuuming, doing dishes after a party, or doing any task when there are other women around? No they all jump in and find something to do even to at least look busy! Even at a BBQ the men will gather at the grill and watch as one will grill the meat but in the kitchen all the women will pitch in to prepare everything else needed to complete the meal!  

I expect your thinking is there a point to this. Well, no not really did there need to be one? Time to grab my sequined vest and rhinestone hardhat and go watch the workers for a while, I think we are watching dirt this afternoon!