Monday, November 11, 2013

If It's Not One Thing It's Your Eye

So, there I am the weekend before my birthday (why thank you very much) and it seems I am unable to open my right eye. ‘How very odd’ I say to myself, since the cats are generally unresponsive because they are all, ‘Hey it’s all about us okay, yawn’ and then they start licking themselves and no one wants to see that anyway so I go into the bathroom to see or in my case not to see what the problem was and wow totally icky! My eye was all gunky over! What the heck is that? I looked like that person in the movies that scares the crap out of you. 
(Wow, see what happens if you don’t floss! FLOSSING people flossing!)

I may have exaggerated a bit but not much; this did mean a call to my personal nurse my daughter (the nurse). Her diagnoses ‘Go to the doctor.’ (is this what I am paying her for? well I’m not exactly paying her but that’s not germane to the story let’s stay focused people). 
So off to the ‘Urgent Care’ center we go. Upon finding out that my urgent care isn’t the same as the center’s urgent care since they are closed on weekends! We manage to find a different one not even close to where we were so thank goodness I wasn’t really urgent! And now (sitting for over 2 hours with my eye dripping down my face, ref. to photo above) I finally get to meet with the very nice Dr. who (no not Dr. Who the doctor who…no not the doctor…I WILL NOT DO THIS AGAIN!)

I meet with the physician and she was a very nice lady until she proceeded to open my evil eye to the light as it yelled ‘Curses to you!’ and she flushed it with copious amounts of saline water! Possibly to remove the demon inhabiting it? After further examination, ‘I am going to put this burning dye in there now to see if I can put you in further pain…(actually it was to find scratches but more pain was the outcome ) her actual findings, ‘Well you have an infection we call ‘blah blah gobbledygook’ How did you possibly get that?’ Since you are the doctor I am going to let you give me the list of possibilities? Well she didn’t. 'Get these drops and these drops if it’s not better tomorrow come back or see your own doctor. Don’t mess around with this.' OMG! Wait, was this ‘urgent’? I am giving her the evil eye but she doesn't notice since it has sealed shut in fear, sigh.

Putting drops in your own eye is very challenging. There is a natural tendency for your eye to shrink away when something is getting ready to attack it, contacts, debris, sharp objects and DROPS. If my cheek had an infection it would have been healed in a matter of days, my eye not so much. But I kept at it and it did start getting better. I did my follow up with my eye doctor who (grrr not doctor who doctor Chu (that didn’t help did it?) he decided my eye needed steroids, wow (we all know what that does to athletes) ok.
After a day or two I noticed my right eye (the goopy eye) was improving in vision, wait was my eye getting hopped up on ‘roids? It was like taking over the vision for the left eye, oh surely not, that would just be wrong and way so sci fi to be cool!

M-  OMG!
RE- What? You got a problem with me? Where are the drops it’s time for my dose!!! (OMG, my eye is an addict and I am its bitch. Will make me hang out on the streets trying to score meds for it!)
M-  Um, no not until tonight and you’re not the boss of me, right?
RE-  Right!...oh watch out there! (closing and making me trip) Who’s your boss? (Well actually it's Who’s my doctor but that’s a whole ‘nother bit so…)
LE-  Hey stop that!

RE- STAY OUT OF IT! I WILL CUT YOU! Now about those meds…Roaarrrrh
M- Wait, what? Arrrrrh? Are you doing a Pirate? I mean don't get me wrong pirates are cool in a Johnny Depp cute kinda way but not in a 'Roid rage scary WWE kinda way, right? I would totally like get scared of a goopy steroid wacko eye over a cute pirate eye going arrrrrh.

LE- Yea..

RE- Pirates aren't scary? Arrrrrh, I will cut you!

M- ?  No, 'Yo, get me my 'roids biotch or I will cut you yo!'
RE- Wow, could we join a gang and get tattoos? Like an eyeball dripping blood?

M- Um, no, like ick that totally is not a good look for me but maybe we could join a reading club...(is this just my imagination or the steroids talking?)


M- Not scary
Well, I will keep you posted on Cpt. Jack and as for the tattoo way too difficult to accessorize so I will pass.
Right, see you soon! (ha)

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