Pardon My Flush!

My mother used to ask us, ‘Were you raised in a barn?’ well seeing that she is the one that was doing the raising I would guess that she would know the answer to that…’No mom.’ This question usually came after finding some kind of mess or something disgusting. Well the other day here at work I went into the ladies room to use the um commode and what do I see there?

Now let’s face it, or in this case I would rather not, I work at a very nice university where the majority of the students come from well off backgrounds so unless they have someone at home coming behind them and flushing their toilets for them be it, and let me be delicate here, a 1 or a 2. then just maybe they and this case it would be a female they could manage to actually do it themselves! In what circumstance does a girl finish up (did I mention no paper in the commode? Yea sorry about adding that visual on) get her clothes readjusted walk out the door and not say, ‘Am I forgetting something?’ Well it could be that little present you just left for the next person to find or were you waiting for you mom to fly out here to take care of that for you?

 You see this sometimes in big public restrooms, movie theaters, malls the airport. This is a small building, small restroom. If you’re afraid of germs use a towel (though if I didn’t see paper, germs are the least of your problems). And now that I’m on it, what is with this straddling the seat and peeing from a few inches and then leaving the evidence all over? If all of this isn’t barn living then call me Elsie! (What? Why would you do that? Don't do that, I couldn't pass for an Elsie if I tried)

 My mom took great care to make sure we did not grow into the farm animals we could have. We became young women with manners and then moms who took great care to make sure our daughters had manners and who flush toilets and didn’t expect the maid to come in behind them.

 Classes are letting out time to get out the cow bell this barn is closed!

Winning!

Yesterday was a total Bad Hair day both literally and figuratively.  I woke with a migraine, got up and fell behind before I even started. My mascara, well you know how that goes. Your eyelashes are either with you or against you on any particular day. Yesterday they were against me. A glance at the clock, I am falling further behind. Time for hair, my hair is very short and so it doesn’t take very long for it to ‘grow out’. It was feeling very grown out and didn’t want to help at all so after far too long I gave up and went with it. Or did I…no I didn’t. I tried the trick my hairdresser uses and after using the hair spray ran my fingers through it to give it that punch. OMG! I can’t give you a visual description, there are no words. I stood there dumbstruck. Well, this is why I am not a hairdresser obviously! Now what? There is no way this head is walking outside with me under it. Time check…crap!

Ok, nothing else to do but start from scratch… careful of the make-up (heaven forbid I screw up those damn eyelashes!) I stuck my head under the faucet and washed that spray right out and started anew. So after some ‘let’s not try so hard’ styling I got a reasonable doo. (Still not worthy but passable) on to wardrobe.

Sidebar-I have lost about 15lbs and quite a few inches due to a strict exercise regime and diet. If the scale moves more than a pound or so EEEEEEKKKKK!           

So, wardrobe (time check OMG!) since things fit me great now and I don’t have to do the ‘OMG I look so hideous in this’ I throw on a cute outfit and head out to pack up for work but wait…what is that in the mirror? EEEEEEEEKKKKK! ‘OMG I look hideous in this!’ What happened, did I gain 10lbs over night? I have to change clothes… sigh. Could this day get worse?  I forgot to go to my Yoga class. My class instructor, who I ran into as I go into my Combat class says, ‘Where were you?’ ‘Um, I forgot?’

In the grand scheme they are such minor issues true, well maybe not forgetting Yoga but in all.

On the brightside…awesome hair day today, cute outfit first shot, and not only running early but missed being held up by a very long train by a matter of minutes! Can you say Lotto!

Cinnamon, Spice and Everythings Nice!

I found Cinnamon Spice Kahlua in my kitchen cabinet! After a few glasses (hiccup) realized what goes good with cinnamonnnnn? Appeths! Made some Kahula I mean Kahlua Apple Crisp! Make sure you soak in the Kahula...Kahlua a long time...I mean the apples soak for a long time...mmmmmm...ding!

I think I'm done!

E.T. Phone Home

The other day I was out and I used the phone feature where you ask Siri to dial the number for you-

M: Siri call Home.

S: You have several homes which one?

(At this point she shows me a list of all the numbers I have listed as someone’s home phone! Wow maybe I need a different cataloging system. Not to mention a lot of these folks have dropped their home phones. Guess it’s time for some home cleaning!)

M: Not those homes, my home.

S: No listing for my Home. (dumb ass (implied))

M: Oh very funny, call Home just home.

S: No listing for…

M:Arrrrrggghhh!

S: Something wrong? Maybe you should be a bit more specific (dumb ass, I know I heard it this time) so fancy owning all those homes.

M: Look, you work for me I don’t have to take this. You’re just a stupid program and now you’re acting like a, well I’m too nice to say it.

S: …

M: Hello? Um, hello? (great, sigh) Ok, look I may have been a bit out of line with the stupid and you know the other thing so enough with the pouting and silent treatment, but I just want to call my house is that so difficult?

S: Apology accepted, calling Home

H: Hello, Happy Time Psychiatric Home!

*Sigh…*

Can You Hand Me That Towel?

When I began this blog I had grand ideas that all the stories swimming in my head about what goes on in my life day to day or on a trip or well maybe a particular thought that struck my fancy would be of interest and easy to just jot down with a bit of wit and sass and dot dot dot.

Let me tell you it’s not that easy. Half the time the things I come up with are when I am texting my Sis, and I think hey that’s funny I should put that in the blog but then that would be a rerun to her she’s already read that and it's not as funny or witty by the time I get it pen to paper, per se! I am way funny in the shower and if I could type or write without getting the paper wet this blog would be awesome cause there is some funny stuff going on in there, of course I am talking about in my head in the shower. Awkward!

I hear the best ideas people get are when they are in the shower, I also hear they do other things in the shower that are best not put in the blog (they are found on different kinds of blogs, not that I have read them of course).  Maybe stopping by in the morning to hear my ideas would be better than my trying to get them on ‘paper’. Bring your own towel of course, I will provide the coffee oh and blindfold!