Good-bye Sumall It Was Nice Knowing You

As I was saying, this year my in-laws are flying out from Florida for the first time in about 10 years. They are in their 80’s and I went to great lengths to make sure things would go smoothly from take off to landing for them and that is no easy feat.  

Living in Texas one learns that the weather is a fickle thing, pouring rain on one side of the street sunny on the other, 100 one day 100 the next three weeks (ok not the best example). This year the weather has been very strange once again as it has been the most beautiful sumall (summer/fall mash up, kinda cool right?) of course that was until today the day the in-laws are to fly in! SERIOUSLY? 

Yes seriously, this is the day Mr. Winter Storm decided to move in and make all the Thanksgiving travelers miserable the flyers the drivers and the festivity planners. In our area even rain can cause the forecasters to go into panic so you can imagine what a ‘wintery mix’ is doing to them! Now add to the pot the airports and you might be able to see where I am going with this… 

7:00am- my cell phone rings and I see it is from AA (American Airlines) 

M- (Oh this can’t be a good thing) Hello?...um hello?  

AA- Press 1, Para Espanola press 2 (ok I got this but why do I got this? I went with 1 since my Espanola is somewhat lacking and I felt that this was not the time to test it out) We have cancelled your flight today due to weather conditions and have rescheduled you for a different flight tomorrow… 

M- (Whoa slow down sister! What the blazes are you talking about? What weather you mean sumall, nothing wrong with that!) 

AA- Tomorrow at 6:30am… 

M- (HOLY S*** you gotta be kidding me!)

You see as I mentioned above the IL’s are in their 80’s!!!  For them to make a 6:30am flight they would have to get up before they go to bed! This is the reason I booked them on a mid-afternoon flight, nice and easy day wheelchair assistance with upgraded seats the whole works. Now I got someone (thing) going ‘uh, yea so whatever we moved it all and here’s the deal’. 

AA- Accept or Reject just say it. 

M- (OMG! What I can’t talk to someone I have questions!) 

AA- I’m sorry I didn’t get that Accept or Reject. 

M- (I don’t know I don’t know don’t I have other options?!) 

AA- I said Accept or Reject!!!  

I run in to wake up Mr. LT…quick wake up! As quickly as possible I explain the situation (the speaker phone is on so you can hear Ms. Rudeness)  

MLT- What?  

M- Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (run through it again) 

AA- ACCEPT OR REJECT WE GROW TIRED OF WAITING. 

MLT- WTH? What weather? Are you kidding me you are kidding me right. Can’t you tell them… 

M- THIS IS NOT A HUMAN! THERE ARE NO HUMANS ANYMORE! MAKE A DECISION! 

AA- ACCEPT OR REJECT OR WE WILL CUT YOU, WE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN YOU WILL BE ASSIMULATED. 

MLT- Accept! Accept! 

AA- Thank you, your flight information is… 

M- Oh Dios Mio!  

We intercepted the IL’s on their way to the airport and gave them the bad news. Mom IL was fine with it which is odd because it takes her 4 hours just to get to the grocery store! 

MIL- We can do it we are Vikings! 

Oh meg Herren!

Eggy Breaky Heart

So like I was saying, I’m a breakfast person I need that bit of something to fuel me in the morning. Nothing big or fancy I mean I don’t need like a buffet of eggs and bacon and pastries and hash browns and mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm well maybe now I do! So in the mornings I scramble up some eggbeaters and, while thinking about that yummy (sigh) buffet, have those and juice.

This morning running late as is my other habit, I think consistency is a good thing, and I didn’t have time to eat my eggs so I put them in a cup so I could eat them in the car (only when at stop lights-don’t eat and drive right?). Fate had other plans for me it would seem. While trying to maneuver all the crap I bring to work with me I drop my Cup o’Eggs on the garage floor! Now a) not being a guy and 2) knowing the condition of our garage floor the whole 5 or 15 or even 1 second rule was not even a consideration. As I stood there staring at my breakfast and saying some choice words I realized that staring at smushed dirty eggs probably wasn’t a good excuse for being late for work.

Of course I had to text my Sis-

M- I spilled my eggs on the garage floor!!!! Gaaaah!

S- LOL, wait what? Oh! I thought you said you soiled the garage floor!

M- ? sigh

On a different note-

Siri staged a coup of Clive. If you don’t know who Clive is or was, I change Siri’s voice to a male from England after I found that the woman doing the voice for Siri was a very pleasant person making my task of getting ticked off at Siri difficult. Clive and I have a love hate relationship like a marriage as it were. I ask him to do things and he tells me ‘I can’t do that at this time try again later.’ I get mad and tell him where he can shove his ‘how can I help you’ crap and he hangs up. Very marriage like right?

So the other day I wake him up (probably had his feet up on the coffee table drinking a pint not using a COASTER after I have mentioned this over and over) and ask him to call someone but he doesn’t answer Siri does! At first of course I think something is going on between them (you know how these gadgets are) but after checking out the setup I see OMG Clive is out and Siri is in! How slick is she!?  I might need to rethink the whole ‘nice Siri’ thing.

Needless to say I have restored Clive to his rightful place with no thanks from him and his first act was to tell me he couldn’t answer my question and for me to look it up myself on Google! Why do I stay with him? It’s a good thing he is gorgeous and has a great body (they better not show me anything different!)

If It's Not One Thing It's Your Eye

So, there I am the weekend before my birthday (why thank you very much) and it seems I am unable to open my right eye. ‘How very odd’ I say to myself, since the cats are generally unresponsive because they are all, ‘Hey it’s all about us okay, yawn’ and then they start licking themselves and no one wants to see that anyway so I go into the bathroom to see or in my case not to see what the problem was and wow totally icky! My eye was all gunky over! What the heck is that? I looked like that person in the movies that scares the crap out of you. 

.

(Wow, see what happens if you don’t floss! FLOSSING people flossing!)

I may have exaggerated a bit but not much; this did mean a call to my personal nurse my daughter (the nurse). Her diagnoses ‘Go to the doctor.’ (is this what I am paying her for? well I’m not exactly paying her but that’s not germane to the story let’s stay focused people). 

So off to the ‘Urgent Care’ center we go. Upon finding out that my urgent care isn’t the same as the center’s urgent care since they are closed on weekends! We manage to find a different one not even close to where we were so thank goodness I wasn’t really urgent! And now (sitting for over 2 hours with my eye dripping down my face, ref. to photo above) I finally get to meet with the very nice Dr. who (no not Dr. Who the doctor who…no not the doctor…I WILL NOT DO THIS AGAIN!)

I meet with the physician and she was a very nice lady until she proceeded to open my evil eye to the light as it yelled ‘Curses to you!’ and she flushed it with copious amounts of saline water! Possibly to remove the demon inhabiting it? After further examination, ‘I am going to put this burning dye in there now to see if I can put you in further pain…(actually it was to find scratches but more pain was the outcome ) her actual findings, ‘Well you have an infection we call ‘blah blah gobbledygook’ How did you possibly get that?’ Since you are the doctor I am going to let you give me the list of possibilities? Well she didn’t. 'Get these drops and these drops if it’s not better tomorrow come back or see your own doctor. Don’t mess around with this.' OMG! Wait, was this ‘urgent’? I am giving her the evil eye but she doesn't notice since it has sealed shut in fear, sigh.

Putting drops in your own eye is very challenging. There is a natural tendency for your eye to shrink away when something is getting ready to attack it, contacts, debris, sharp objects and DROPS. If my cheek had an infection it would have been healed in a matter of days, my eye not so much. But I kept at it and it did start getting better. I did my follow up with my eye doctor who (grrr not doctor who doctor Chu (that didn’t help did it?) he decided my eye needed steroids, wow (we all know what that does to athletes) ok.

After a day or two I noticed my right eye (the goopy eye) was improving in vision, wait was my eye getting hopped up on ‘roids? It was like taking over the vision for the left eye, oh surely not, that would just be wrong and way so sci fi to be cool!

M-  OMG!

RE- What? You got a problem with me? Where are the drops it’s time for my dose!!! (OMG, my eye is an addict and I am its bitch. Will make me hang out on the streets trying to score meds for it!)

M-  Um, no not until tonight and you’re not the boss of me, right?

RE-  Right!...oh watch out there! (closing and making me trip) Who’s your boss? (Well actually it's Who’s my doctor but that’s a whole ‘nother bit so…)

LE-  Hey stop that!

RE- STAY OUT OF IT! I WILL CUT YOU! Now about those meds…Roaarrrrh

M- Wait, what? Arrrrrh? Are you doing a Pirate? I mean don't get me wrong pirates are cool in a Johnny Depp cute kinda way but not in a 'Roid rage scary WWE kinda way, right? I would totally like get scared of a goopy steroid wacko eye over a cute pirate eye going arrrrrh.

LE- Yea..

RE- Pirates aren't scary? Arrrrrh, I will cut you!

M- ?  No, 'Yo, get me my 'roids biotch or I will cut you yo!'

RE- Wow, could we join a gang and get tattoos? Like an eyeball dripping blood?

M- Um, no, like ick that totally is not a good look for me but maybe we could join a reading club...(is this just my imagination or the steroids talking?)

RE- ARRRRRH!

M- Not scary

Well, I will keep you posted on Cpt. Jack and as for the tattoo way too difficult to accessorize so I will pass.
 

Right, see you soon! (ha)