And the Password Is...

Anyways, I was reading back through my posts and it seems I am a bit obsessed with this phone! Well it can’t be helped there are just so many things to say about it. 

Like ever since I got it this screen pops up randomly asking for my voicemail password! Well heck, I don’t have one. I have so many passwords for so many things holy cow, bank, credit cards, work, shoe outlets, book stores, clothes stores, Facebook, twitter and on and on the list is endless! Do you really think I need to add one to my phone? So I just keep ignoring it. However I notice that when people call me they don’t leave me messages, no skin off my nose (ouch, who came up with that one?). 

Then mom called, sigh, I promise to do a post on mom but I need to gear up for that. I’m at work so I missed the call but of course I knew she would leave a message except, wait…nope there was nothing there! In steps Student Assistant. 

SA: Oh, yeah you got a new phone right?

M:  Well yes but I never set passwords.

SA: Doesn’t matter.

M:   ?

SA: (Goes on to explain it to me and it sounds like this-¥ø€Ѻҙѽ)

M:   Ahhh.

SA: Let’s look this bad boy up and see if we can’t fix it. (Searching web)

       Ok, here we go follow my directions, right?

M:   Got it… (sure, these kids today!)

SA: Call this number, hit this push that wait for this then when they say this do that…

M:   Um, right

SA: Did you get a password?

M:   Wow! Yes! You are Amazing Student Assistant!

ASA: Yeah, I know…see ya tomorrow. 

Then I hear a ding and guess what, 10 voicemails! Yikes!

Well other than the recent one from mom, making sure I’m alive and why hasn’t she heard from me in forever (1 week) and she just wants to make sure I was wasn't mad at her (should I be?). I will delete the rest since they seem to be a little old and hey, they can always call back and leave a voicemail.

Kalamawho?

My Sis just got a new iPhone 4S just like mine. So now we are twins again, well let me clarify that. We won’t be mistaken for twins, yes the sister thing is there but we are a few years apart in age and no it’s none of your business which years those are! 

She now has talk to text (you might have noticed that we communicate a lot by texting?). Talk to text is awesome since you don’t have to try and type in all these really long thoughts and then backspace out because crap that’s not spelled that way and spell check totally got that stupid word wrong (where the hell did they get Kalamazoo out of laptop?) Sooooooooooooooooo, now you just make Siri do all the work! What else does she have to do? 

S: I got the 4s!

M: Awesome!

S: I know right, now I have talk to text too.

M: There’s a version 2?

S: No, talk to text also

M: Cool!

S: So now I have Siri!

M: Hmmmm, be careful she can be a bit touchy.

S: What?

M: Just sayin’

S: So as I text you my phone is reading out loud what I’m texting. I don’t know how I’m doing it.

M: How are you doing that?

S: I DON’T KNOW!

M: YOUR PHONE IS YELLING AT ME!

S: What?

M: Shhhhh, I’m at the movies tell your phone to be quiet! 

Now it seems that her phone will only talk when it wants to. A word here and there, like it’s in a snit. Personally I know a lot of people I wish would take a hint as well as the phone did.

It's All Greek To Me...

This week is Spring Break! Now that might not be a big deal to many of you but around here we sing its praises. That’s so wrong since the whole point of my job is the fact that there are students attending school here. There is some strange algebra there and that has never been a good subject for me. 

Not only do the students clear out of here but most of the professors and anyone else with enough time saved up because this place is a ghost town otherwise. I can always find something to do, but seriously… So I am taking some much deserved time off this week too. Who said I deserved it? Well I did and that pretty much sums up the list of important personage with input um let me check that…yes I am correct. 

Like always my Sis and I have a convo about this and by convo I mean talked and by talked I mean text. Why not just put that in your thesaurus because though we do talk on the phone I am going to say, and this is a rough estimate, 90% is texting. 

S: So whatchyadoin’?

M: Nothin’

S: Oh, me too.

M: So spring break next week, Woohoo!

S: Nice whatchya ganna do?

M: Take some time off, Woohoo!

S: Nice how much?

M: WTF off

S: WHAT? What did I say? Why are you so mean?

M: Huh?

S: I just asked when you were taking off…

M: Yes, WTF!

S: Fine, whatever…

M: Oh, LOL, sorry that’s college speak for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.

S: OMG 

I think we need to work on our acronyms.

Yours, Mine and There's?

So back to me, my boss will be having a birthday this month well actually her birthday and as always I will be making a big deal out of it because that’s what I do. I am the Festivity Coordinator here along with the many other hats I wear and thank goodness I look fabulous in hats! 

Normally for most of the birthdays here everyone gets one of my famous birthday cards. It seems I have the secret knack for picking the right card for the right person. It’s a gift and a curse; I manage to keep them just ‘this side’ of out of bounds but always hilarious. A talent passed down through family genetics. In our family a sweet lovey card is way out of bounds and we call the psych ward to see if you’ve been signed in! 

Again I digress! My boss is also a bit grammar phobic. Now I’m not sure if that is the correct term and if she were reading this she would sure as heck let me know! Being a professor she has plenty of opportunity to utilize her little red pen and use it she does. She almost hates grammar mistakes more than wrong answers! It’s actually quite funny, well if you’re me anyway not so much if you're a student. But since this is my blog and my opinion, we are going with yes it’s pretty funny. 

So imagine my laughter when I saw the perfect gift for her! Now normally I would get cards and lovely pastries for coffee in the morning never a gift, but this…I found a coffee cup that says. Ok well the cup doesn’t say anything since it doesn’t speak though how much fun would that be? It reads…well no it doesn’t read either. Can you imagine sitting down in the morning with your coffee and the newspaper and you coffee cup going-

 ‘Could you turn the page please I’m done with this one.’

 ‘Excuse me what?’

‘Well handle isn’t the same thing as hand so I can’t turn the page myself.’

‘Well yes, but you’re a coffee cup!’

‘My description says, and I quote-“Cup reads!”’

‘Well, not really but you’re talking too does it say that you talk…’

‘You’re giving me a headache; I’m going back to bed’ 

Well maybe it’s more of an inside thing but we all know someone like this and we all know how much fun it is to drive them just a little bit crazy.

Your looking for your red pen aren't you?

 

 

 

 

 

The other day I called a friend of mine at work who is in a different department. We don’t get the chance to see each other much or even talk much both being busy with our jobs and everything else. We do try and get together for drinking of course ‘cause that’s what GNO is for. That however is not even germane to this story. Stop getting me off track!

So we chit-chat and I ask about her daughter who just started college, where we work.

Ms. P:  Oh, she’s doing great! I hardly see her of course.

Me:  Yeah, it was like that when my girls were there too. Wow, that was a while ago.

Ms. P:  Really?

Me:  Yeah, my oldest is 30!

Ms. P: No way, that can’t be! You don’t look that old!

Me:…( breaks squealing to a skid in my brain) um what?

Ms. P: Well, what I mean is…

Ok, let’s stop here for a sec.

Webster’s Dictionary defines old as- Far advanced in the years of one or its life.

Now yes I am a bit of a Diva however this does not fit into the ‘Diva’ specific category thank you. First off there are any number of words that could have been chosen that are much more delicate.

Like Mature, Seasoned and… Wow there’s not that many however the list of more colorful alternatives to old is endless!

Long in the tooth, no spring chicken, venerate, antiquated, primordial (wow!), doddering and a new one dog-eared! The list is endless so some creativity points could have been earned.

I am explaining all of this to Mr. JackCat who it would seem could care less and deservedly so.

Did you know that by the time your cat is 2 years old it is 24 in cat years! And it ages at an average of 4-5 years for each year after that! Mr. JackCat was not in the least moved by my chagrin over being called old. (He's 39 in cat years it would seem shhhhh).

Yes of course I digressed it’s what I do, adjust and get used to it.

So back to my story, to which you were hanging on every word.

Me: Hahaha oh I know what you mean and of course thank you. (Not really, and for the record she looks at least my age). Had them when I was twelve of course, hahaha…hmmmm.

Ms.P: Well you look amazing!

Me: (WELL DUH!) Oh thank you, (grrrrrrr) well the reason I’m calling…

For the record I do look amazing, and Mr. JackCat, well he might not be a Spring Chicken but he still plays a mean game of ‘Go Get the Mouse!’

 Not the least bit interested in my distress...

Pardon My Flush!

My mother used to ask us, ‘Were you raised in a barn?’ well seeing that she is the one that was doing the raising I would guess that she would know the answer to that…’No mom.’ This question usually came after finding some kind of mess or something disgusting. Well the other day here at work I went into the ladies room to use the um commode and what do I see there?

Now let’s face it, or in this case I would rather not, I work at a very nice university where the majority of the students come from well off backgrounds so unless they have someone at home coming behind them and flushing their toilets for them be it, and let me be delicate here, a 1 or a 2. then just maybe they and this case it would be a female they could manage to actually do it themselves! In what circumstance does a girl finish up (did I mention no paper in the commode? Yea sorry about adding that visual on) get her clothes readjusted walk out the door and not say, ‘Am I forgetting something?’ Well it could be that little present you just left for the next person to find or were you waiting for you mom to fly out here to take care of that for you?

 You see this sometimes in big public restrooms, movie theaters, malls the airport. This is a small building, small restroom. If you’re afraid of germs use a towel (though if I didn’t see paper, germs are the least of your problems). And now that I’m on it, what is with this straddling the seat and peeing from a few inches and then leaving the evidence all over? If all of this isn’t barn living then call me Elsie! (What? Why would you do that? Don't do that, I couldn't pass for an Elsie if I tried)

 My mom took great care to make sure we did not grow into the farm animals we could have. We became young women with manners and then moms who took great care to make sure our daughters had manners and who flush toilets and didn’t expect the maid to come in behind them.

 Classes are letting out time to get out the cow bell this barn is closed!

Winning!

Yesterday was a total Bad Hair day both literally and figuratively.  I woke with a migraine, got up and fell behind before I even started. My mascara, well you know how that goes. Your eyelashes are either with you or against you on any particular day. Yesterday they were against me. A glance at the clock, I am falling further behind. Time for hair, my hair is very short and so it doesn’t take very long for it to ‘grow out’. It was feeling very grown out and didn’t want to help at all so after far too long I gave up and went with it. Or did I…no I didn’t. I tried the trick my hairdresser uses and after using the hair spray ran my fingers through it to give it that punch. OMG! I can’t give you a visual description, there are no words. I stood there dumbstruck. Well, this is why I am not a hairdresser obviously! Now what? There is no way this head is walking outside with me under it. Time check…crap!

Ok, nothing else to do but start from scratch… careful of the make-up (heaven forbid I screw up those damn eyelashes!) I stuck my head under the faucet and washed that spray right out and started anew. So after some ‘let’s not try so hard’ styling I got a reasonable doo. (Still not worthy but passable) on to wardrobe.

Sidebar-I have lost about 15lbs and quite a few inches due to a strict exercise regime and diet. If the scale moves more than a pound or so EEEEEEKKKKK!           

So, wardrobe (time check OMG!) since things fit me great now and I don’t have to do the ‘OMG I look so hideous in this’ I throw on a cute outfit and head out to pack up for work but wait…what is that in the mirror? EEEEEEEEKKKKK! ‘OMG I look hideous in this!’ What happened, did I gain 10lbs over night? I have to change clothes… sigh. Could this day get worse?  I forgot to go to my Yoga class. My class instructor, who I ran into as I go into my Combat class says, ‘Where were you?’ ‘Um, I forgot?’

In the grand scheme they are such minor issues true, well maybe not forgetting Yoga but in all.

On the brightside…awesome hair day today, cute outfit first shot, and not only running early but missed being held up by a very long train by a matter of minutes! Can you say Lotto!