And Away We Go!

I recently took a trip to San Francisco for a relaxing vacation. My spouse came along ‘Mr. Linear Thinking’; no you’ve not heard me reference him before mostly because this is about me but for the sake of this story and some to follow we may need to bring him in.

We arrived in lovely weather, 80’s in the spring in San Fran (must have been just for me!). We were staying in a quaint little hotel in Union Square, most of this you can Google and Mr. LT says he wants to go to Chinatown and eat at a particular restaurant. No worries I am all for adventure in this town!

Mr. LT of course plots out the best course to this hot spot. Of course streets with these names go this ways and streets with these names go that way so that would mean to get to the X we need to go this way! Um, ok

And off we set…

Have any of you been to San Francisco? They have hills, it’s very hilly. It seems to have these very steep hills, ones with steps cut into them just to help you out a bit not that it does. We went up many of those; I lost count when my Sherpa told me he had family and didn’t want to leave them behind.

I have mentioned that I work out, right. I did say that it was in the mid 80’s, but by the time we reached the summit I was spent, the oxygen tank had run out and I was glistening.

Mr. LT: Well that was more than I was expecting (sweat running down his face.)

M:  (Gasping) Really? You didn’t notice the hills? This is San Francisco you know.

Mr. LT:  (Giving the Look) Let me get my bearings…we need to go this way.

We make a turn and start going down hills, somewhere in the back of my mind was this little voice saying, “Are we going back the way we came?” “Shut up little voice don’t make me hit you cause if you are right I will have to punch Mr. LT!” 

Mr. LT: There are all kinds of little restaurants here!

M:  Yes, are we eating in any of them? Water…I need water… (I had become so dehydrated from the flight, heat and schlepping across the mountains)  

We finally make it to the Oriental Pearl (a Rachel Rae mention) we are seated and I feel like I have been crossing the desert for a week. I am so parched I can hardly talk. Waiter! Water! I drank copious amounts of water and I don’t know how much it took to finally quench my thirst. The waiters were apparently thinking this too.  

We had a nice meal and the kind waiters circled continuously to check on my water. Hey guys what I need now is the way to the Ladies room!

Hello, it's Just Your Mom

Easter Sunday after church and brunch, I was napping something I rarely ever do but it was a very nice quiet Sunday and the breeze through the window was wonderful… 

So…Mom calls, ignore (sorry). Mom calls again…I know if I don’t answer she will go to the house phone. 

Mm: Are you mad at me? 

M: No, should I be? What did you do? 

Mm: No, nothing… 

M: Then no I’m not. Was this a poll? So are we good now?  

Mm: I just haven’t heard from you in so long, I thought you were mad at me. 

(Ok, let’s put this on pause for a sec. I just called her a few days ago.)  

M:  I just called you a few days ago. 

MM: I know. 

(I’m so confused) 

MM: Were you asleep? Did I wake you? 

M: I was napping so yes. 

MM: Well, I won’t keep you long. I just thought I would see if you were ok. 

M: Should I not be? Do you know something I don’t? Are you holding out on me? 

MM: No, I just worry is all. 

M: About what?! (trying to keep any frustration out, I’m a mom too) 

MM: I don’t know. 

M: *Sigh*… Ok, well, I’m fine, not mad at you and glad we had this talk soooooo… 

MM: Me too, so what’s new? 

M:??? Mom, we just talked. What could possibly have happened in my life in the last few days of my endlessly boring life? 

(Mom proceeds to fill me in on everything she told me in our last conversation in detail as I see my nap floating away from me like that dream you just can’t grasp.) 

MM: Well, I’ll let you get back to what you were doing… 

M: Yea, sigh, ok well love you. 

Who knows that might be me one day…but for now, I’m taking a nap and hitting ignore.

And the Password Is...

Anyways, I was reading back through my posts and it seems I am a bit obsessed with this phone! Well it can’t be helped there are just so many things to say about it. 

Like ever since I got it this screen pops up randomly asking for my voicemail password! Well heck, I don’t have one. I have so many passwords for so many things holy cow, bank, credit cards, work, shoe outlets, book stores, clothes stores, Facebook, twitter and on and on the list is endless! Do you really think I need to add one to my phone? So I just keep ignoring it. However I notice that when people call me they don’t leave me messages, no skin off my nose (ouch, who came up with that one?). 

Then mom called, sigh, I promise to do a post on mom but I need to gear up for that. I’m at work so I missed the call but of course I knew she would leave a message except, wait…nope there was nothing there! In steps Student Assistant. 

SA: Oh, yeah you got a new phone right?

M:  Well yes but I never set passwords.

SA: Doesn’t matter.

M:   ?

SA: (Goes on to explain it to me and it sounds like this-¥ø€Ѻҙѽ)

M:   Ahhh.

SA: Let’s look this bad boy up and see if we can’t fix it. (Searching web)

       Ok, here we go follow my directions, right?

M:   Got it… (sure, these kids today!)

SA: Call this number, hit this push that wait for this then when they say this do that…

M:   Um, right

SA: Did you get a password?

M:   Wow! Yes! You are Amazing Student Assistant!

ASA: Yeah, I know…see ya tomorrow. 

Then I hear a ding and guess what, 10 voicemails! Yikes!

Well other than the recent one from mom, making sure I’m alive and why hasn’t she heard from me in forever (1 week) and she just wants to make sure I was wasn't mad at her (should I be?). I will delete the rest since they seem to be a little old and hey, they can always call back and leave a voicemail.

Kalamawho?

My Sis just got a new iPhone 4S just like mine. So now we are twins again, well let me clarify that. We won’t be mistaken for twins, yes the sister thing is there but we are a few years apart in age and no it’s none of your business which years those are! 

She now has talk to text (you might have noticed that we communicate a lot by texting?). Talk to text is awesome since you don’t have to try and type in all these really long thoughts and then backspace out because crap that’s not spelled that way and spell check totally got that stupid word wrong (where the hell did they get Kalamazoo out of laptop?) Sooooooooooooooooo, now you just make Siri do all the work! What else does she have to do? 

S: I got the 4s!

M: Awesome!

S: I know right, now I have talk to text too.

M: There’s a version 2?

S: No, talk to text also

M: Cool!

S: So now I have Siri!

M: Hmmmm, be careful she can be a bit touchy.

S: What?

M: Just sayin’

S: So as I text you my phone is reading out loud what I’m texting. I don’t know how I’m doing it.

M: How are you doing that?

S: I DON’T KNOW!

M: YOUR PHONE IS YELLING AT ME!

S: What?

M: Shhhhh, I’m at the movies tell your phone to be quiet! 

Now it seems that her phone will only talk when it wants to. A word here and there, like it’s in a snit. Personally I know a lot of people I wish would take a hint as well as the phone did.

It's All Greek To Me...

This week is Spring Break! Now that might not be a big deal to many of you but around here we sing its praises. That’s so wrong since the whole point of my job is the fact that there are students attending school here. There is some strange algebra there and that has never been a good subject for me. 

Not only do the students clear out of here but most of the professors and anyone else with enough time saved up because this place is a ghost town otherwise. I can always find something to do, but seriously… So I am taking some much deserved time off this week too. Who said I deserved it? Well I did and that pretty much sums up the list of important personage with input um let me check that…yes I am correct. 

Like always my Sis and I have a convo about this and by convo I mean talked and by talked I mean text. Why not just put that in your thesaurus because though we do talk on the phone I am going to say, and this is a rough estimate, 90% is texting. 

S: So whatchyadoin’?

M: Nothin’

S: Oh, me too.

M: So spring break next week, Woohoo!

S: Nice whatchya ganna do?

M: Take some time off, Woohoo!

S: Nice how much?

M: WTF off

S: WHAT? What did I say? Why are you so mean?

M: Huh?

S: I just asked when you were taking off…

M: Yes, WTF!

S: Fine, whatever…

M: Oh, LOL, sorry that’s college speak for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.

S: OMG 

I think we need to work on our acronyms.

Yours, Mine and There's?

So back to me, my boss will be having a birthday this month well actually her birthday and as always I will be making a big deal out of it because that’s what I do. I am the Festivity Coordinator here along with the many other hats I wear and thank goodness I look fabulous in hats! 

Normally for most of the birthdays here everyone gets one of my famous birthday cards. It seems I have the secret knack for picking the right card for the right person. It’s a gift and a curse; I manage to keep them just ‘this side’ of out of bounds but always hilarious. A talent passed down through family genetics. In our family a sweet lovey card is way out of bounds and we call the psych ward to see if you’ve been signed in! 

Again I digress! My boss is also a bit grammar phobic. Now I’m not sure if that is the correct term and if she were reading this she would sure as heck let me know! Being a professor she has plenty of opportunity to utilize her little red pen and use it she does. She almost hates grammar mistakes more than wrong answers! It’s actually quite funny, well if you’re me anyway not so much if you're a student. But since this is my blog and my opinion, we are going with yes it’s pretty funny. 

So imagine my laughter when I saw the perfect gift for her! Now normally I would get cards and lovely pastries for coffee in the morning never a gift, but this…I found a coffee cup that says. Ok well the cup doesn’t say anything since it doesn’t speak though how much fun would that be? It reads…well no it doesn’t read either. Can you imagine sitting down in the morning with your coffee and the newspaper and you coffee cup going-

 ‘Could you turn the page please I’m done with this one.’

 ‘Excuse me what?’

‘Well handle isn’t the same thing as hand so I can’t turn the page myself.’

‘Well yes, but you’re a coffee cup!’

‘My description says, and I quote-“Cup reads!”’

‘Well, not really but you’re talking too does it say that you talk…’

‘You’re giving me a headache; I’m going back to bed’ 

Well maybe it’s more of an inside thing but we all know someone like this and we all know how much fun it is to drive them just a little bit crazy.

Your looking for your red pen aren't you?

 

 

 

 

 

The other day I called a friend of mine at work who is in a different department. We don’t get the chance to see each other much or even talk much both being busy with our jobs and everything else. We do try and get together for drinking of course ‘cause that’s what GNO is for. That however is not even germane to this story. Stop getting me off track!

So we chit-chat and I ask about her daughter who just started college, where we work.

Ms. P:  Oh, she’s doing great! I hardly see her of course.

Me:  Yeah, it was like that when my girls were there too. Wow, that was a while ago.

Ms. P:  Really?

Me:  Yeah, my oldest is 30!

Ms. P: No way, that can’t be! You don’t look that old!

Me:…( breaks squealing to a skid in my brain) um what?

Ms. P: Well, what I mean is…

Ok, let’s stop here for a sec.

Webster’s Dictionary defines old as- Far advanced in the years of one or its life.

Now yes I am a bit of a Diva however this does not fit into the ‘Diva’ specific category thank you. First off there are any number of words that could have been chosen that are much more delicate.

Like Mature, Seasoned and… Wow there’s not that many however the list of more colorful alternatives to old is endless!

Long in the tooth, no spring chicken, venerate, antiquated, primordial (wow!), doddering and a new one dog-eared! The list is endless so some creativity points could have been earned.

I am explaining all of this to Mr. JackCat who it would seem could care less and deservedly so.

Did you know that by the time your cat is 2 years old it is 24 in cat years! And it ages at an average of 4-5 years for each year after that! Mr. JackCat was not in the least moved by my chagrin over being called old. (He's 39 in cat years it would seem shhhhh).

Yes of course I digressed it’s what I do, adjust and get used to it.

So back to my story, to which you were hanging on every word.

Me: Hahaha oh I know what you mean and of course thank you. (Not really, and for the record she looks at least my age). Had them when I was twelve of course, hahaha…hmmmm.

Ms.P: Well you look amazing!

Me: (WELL DUH!) Oh thank you, (grrrrrrr) well the reason I’m calling…

For the record I do look amazing, and Mr. JackCat, well he might not be a Spring Chicken but he still plays a mean game of ‘Go Get the Mouse!’

 Not the least bit interested in my distress...